Tis the Season for Triggers

In my life I try to stay aware of what things might trigger me around the holiday season. Families are the reflections of our greatest love and our greatest triggers. We have created so many telepathic agreements with those close to us that we begin to bump into our judgments and patterns that are difficult for us to navigate internally. These are often aspects that are shadow aspects within us. It is always most difficult to see our own shadow patterns. So naturally the universe will use family members to force us to engage with our narrow perspectives or disowned parts.

The challenge comes when you are triggered. In that moment you need to find a way to stay calm and navigate your own emotional patterns as well as find a way to shift the existing family dynamic into a hopefully more healthy pattern.

Sometimes during the holiday season the movies and television shows do not allow us to find healthy ways to navigate our own family patterns. The movies are often about families always coming together in the end. In real life that result can be hard to come by.

During this holiday season take time to honestly look at at your family with an objective eye. Do not look at them from the pattern that you want them to be but from where they actually are. In life, we have to look at the obvious limitations of human consciousness. As human beings we will all make mistakes. Those mistakes often come when we are stressed or extended beyond our boundaries. We then hit a snap point and go into defensive reaction to protect ourselves. The problem is that my defensive posture is always my ego flipping me back and forth between telling me that I am wonderful and then telling me that I am worthless. Ego loves to keep you off balance. If it can keep you off center then you will not realize that you are already enlightened and home. So ego's will constantly use whatever thought will keep you into extreme polarized patterns. We live in a world of duality. But the big joke from the guru's is that once you become enlightened you realize that you always were.

Families are really great at knowing what your internal weaknesses are and what insecurities will cause you to snap. On top of that the generational patterns, as well as, our DNA are programmed by our experiences and we literally get caught in difficult, defensive ruts that we do not know how to interrupt.

The trick is to become very aware of the patterns that you are triggered by and then consciously attempt to create a different response from the habitual patterns that you have established with your family.

Often upsets are about others not feeling appreciated or acknowledged for what they have believed they have contributed. I like to start to shift patterns by looking at the people who are the most unhappy and feel into their heart and uncover what it is that they need or want to be acknowledged for. Sometimes all you have to do is to directly ask what it is they they would like to be remembered for when they are dead. The answers you get will amaze you.

I have found tremendous openings spontaneously happen when one person finally gives someone what their heart really needs and desires. It can be really healing for everyone involved. When the most stuck person finally gets the energy and attention that they want, everyone else will open in response to the energy shifting in the one person. Then a wonderful wave of love and release can transform the densest energy into something healing and expandive for all.

Take a look at the patterns in your family members that disgust you. Disgust is a difficult energy to integrate. We often want to deny and ignore those that disgust us. That is why we turn away from beggars or street people. We don't want to see them. The fear is that if you actually acknowledge them that some of their bad luck might rub off on us.

It is a silly thought. But we use it to validate ourself and feel that at least we are not as bad off as that person. But in God's eyes every person is worth more than your spare change. They deserve your love, light, energy, and support.

So what do you have to confront internally to see everyone in your family as vehicles to your expansion and enlightenment. Everything that triggers you is a pathway to blocked energies that your ego uses to keep you feeling separate and alone. But you are not alone. If you feel beyond your own ego mind you cannot help but feel the love, suffering, struggles, and joys of all of life.

So enjoy the holiday's. Use these moments to catapult you into totally new ways of seeing into your own shadow. They are not disgusting. You are disgusted with aspects they reflect to you internally. When you can love your disgusting parts then others being disgusting will no longer be a trigger. This will free up a lot of energy that has been blocking your life force from coming fully out.

Enjoy the Season of Giving.

The Tiger Has You In Her Sight

Waking up on this day, something could not be kept at bay.
She opened her eyes and leapt out of my face. Taking a good look at this space.
Is it time to be totally let out? She had to see for herself without a doubt.
She coiled her muscles and sprang forth. Out of my face to stand center court.
Sizing up this space and time. Testing the air and smelling the pines.
Powerful forces rippled through the air as she looked down at her life and stared.
In one felled swoop she let go with some force. Something powerful but to her it was sport.
Then she was gone. She moved back into the shadows. But she is sill watching in the darkened hallows.
I watched in awe as she orchestrated this dance. It was her moment a place to enhance.
It got my attention. Of that there is no doubt. Something beyond me had decided to come out.
Some things sizzle. Some things burn. She is ancient full of wisdom well learned.
Her strong presence singles a turn. A clock strikes the hour. A key is turned.
Lineages come and concepts turn. A doorway opens and time is no longer firm.
In this moment the sands do shift. Yet out of the desert emerges a gift.
Folded papers uncurl in her fire. Revealing much about light and desire.
We are but paper caught in the fire of life. Struggling to survive in a hopeless plight.
The fire will consume you one day, you know. Why resist when there is only one place to go.
Endless chatter ignores the truth. We are one fire caught in this loop.
The loop continues as long as you resist. Surrender the fear and just open in bliss.
You are the fire you try to suppress. You are that light released in your best.
You are the heat the powers the sun. You are the force that moves as one.
When you deny all that you are. You curl into ash and never ignite into stars.
It is your choice. Resist as long as you can. But this has been the way before there was man.
You can be the next great wave of change. A fiery ignition to transforming pain.
Pain of loss. Pain of fear. Pain of trying. Pain of tears.
You are not the pain. You are all God. We can become conscious awareness emerged from frogs.
Take this moment to step beyond your mind. You are the endless bliss for which you pine.
The wait can stop. The joy can begin. It is up to you to allow the burning to begin.
Burn up the past. Release the light. Of which you have held onto forever so tight.
Who are you with no shame or doubt? A gift of consciousness and ego without.
Without the ego you see no despair. You are all wonderful full of depth and care.
Why do you look for anything but this? In this moment is eternal bliss.
Step outside and breathe in the fresh air. You are ready and the earth is right there.
The earth is ready for you to step up. Stand on this ground and let it rise you above.
Without this place the game would be no fun. You need the resistance to feel the freedom to run.
You want to run from the truth of yourself. But it is too late you are revealed and felt.
I feel you all and you cannot escape my grasp. I have you in sight and finally in my grasp.

What is the Divine Feminine?

As we come into this new age of Aquarius, many of us ask what will the world look like as the feminine comes back into balance with the masculine? Of course no one can totally know but we can notice the trends and patterns that seem to be coming into the foreground.

The Piscean Age was about power and control. It created the suppression of the feminine. But as we go into the Aquarian Age we notice a distinct shift in the perception of women. We cannot help but notice how the feminine influence is taking the reins of power and how that begins to shift the dance of life, politics, war, and money into a different focus and perspective.

When you talk to women it seems that the feminine does not want to take over but it wants to come back into balance with the masculine energy on the planet. Within each of us are a masculine and feminine parts. We have moments when we need to move with direction and clarity (which is our masculine) and we have moments when we want to flow and be creative (which is our feminine). This time is about redefining what the classical divine feminine wants to look like and how that energy wants to express itself in this new age of openness and creativity.

I must admit that my process of uncovering the feminine within me has been a great challenge. As a child I identified with my father's power and magnetism. It seemed much more powerful to be sure of myself and to have a mission and purpose in my life. But what I noticed is that it was exhausting for me to try to run my energy constantly through my masculine part. It is not that I cannot do it. I do it quite well. But I was getting sick with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, bronchitis, cysts on my overies, etc.

Eventually, I had to take a good look at what I was doing and begin to take responsibility that I had been in denial of my feminine self. But that was very difficult to address. To me being feminine looked weak and emotional. I thought those traits would not be good for success in my life.

But I was wrong. Not just about the feminine being weak and emotional but about how the denial of my feminine might allow me to have more success in my life. Because success can be measured in many ways. I had been gauging success from the masculine angle rather than the feminine version of what felt like success and happiness.

Now, each person is different. You can be in a feminine body and really have more masculine traits and flows of energy. So in this case, their being in their masculine might be very true for this person. But in my case the denial of my feminine was causing me harm and actually not allowing the fullest expression of my being to emerge. I felt uptight, stressed, rigid, inflexible, tired, unloved, and not good enough.

What I realized is that I am a terrible man. But I am a fantastic woman!

I had to learn how to let her out and how to find the true feminine expression in my life. I realized that I did not need it to look like the stereotypes of my childhood. I could have it look however was authentic for me. The trick was giving myself permission to find what that really looked like.

For the last 2000 years the feminine had been suppressed and distorted from its true expression. I had to allow myself to let go of all that control I had learned and find my own organic flow. I will admit that it was scary. I made many mistakes. I fell into many traps and past genetic patterns of expression that I had seen from the feminine line of my family. But slowly something began to soften inside and change began to move in new ways.

I discovered that being in my feminine I had a lot more energy and it was so much easier to be me. I felt more true to myself and therefore I had more energy to give to others as I could feel myself loving myself. The acceptance allowed me to feel good enough and so I was able to reflect that feeling to others when I was giving them a reading or healing session. I slept better. I became more flexible and so I could naturally allow others to be what ever they wanted to be in my presence. That in of itself created such tremendous opportunities for others to stretch and feel safe enough in my presence that they would spontaneously open more to their true nature and that caused explosions of awareness and happiness to spiral out into the world.

It has been an amazing adventure to experience. What was more amazing is how easy it actually was.

So take a moment and give yourself permission to allow your feminine to guide your life for the day. This is of course for the women. But men if you want to give it a go, try it. We are both. We are on a planet of duality. It is always helpful to be able to be masculine at work and feminine when you want to be creative. But let go of what you think you are and try on a new perspective. You might just enjoy it.

Looking to the Upcoming Patterns for December and the New Year

I want to begin this blog with some astrological aspects that are going to affect the future for a while. There are some major changes coming psychically and energetically for the planet and as such this will cause much stress and upset if you are not forewarned and prepared for them. I do not believe any pattern is bad but there are patterns that it is helpful to know ahead of time what you are in for so you can make the adjustments slowly rather than be surprised and shocked into the shift.

First of all I would like to commend everyone on an amazing election and two great choices to direct our nation forward. McCain was an honorable and gracious man and he is to be commended on his impeccability and sincerity in what he has accomplished.

Let us talk about this election and the new president. Obama has some amazing aspects that supported him winning this job and those favorable aspects continue until about March or April of 2009. At that time there are some planetary patterns that definitely will put a crimp on the economy and the stress of Americans will increase. This puts any president into a difficult pattern. Finances will be tough. People will be cutting back and jobs will be at risk. Many may want to blame the new president for this upset. So just remember it was happening before this election and to unwind this pattern will take years.

Yes, I said years.

So everyone needs to become aware of spending and become more conservative. Pluto in Capricorn is conservative by nature. So the excesses of Pluto in Sagittarius are over. We cannot go back. We must look to new ways of being and learning and integrating technologies that will serve us in the long run rather than support the old guard and money people who have not allowed certain systems to be implemented earlier because of power, control, and greed.

We have no choice but to become the innovator of this new way for the world. It will cost us a lot in time and money but we really do not have a choice.

Astrologically this integration lasts for 3 years into the presidency. So people are going to be critical that the changes are not happening fast enough. We will not be able to have the lifestyle that we had before. This does not mean the sky is falling and everything is going to collapse. It does mean that you need to become more aware of your patterns and excesses and protect your family and money situations.

But after 3 years some much better patterns remerge and the hard work over the last 3 years will finally seem to be paying off. Businesses will flourish and money will be increasing again. Everyone will feel happier and more hopeful at that time and Obama will look like he has done a good job.

So just remember this pattern will take three years. This would be true of anyone who got this presidency at this time. The pattern we are dealing with is a global one. We are not separate any more. We are going to be forced to learn to work together.

So step out of any upset you might be still holding onto about not getting the president you wanted or believing that world problems are going to be solved because you did get the president that you wanted. The pattern that is unfolding is perfect for this time and we all are going to have to work together to make it happen. Remember it will take time. Lots of time. Do not have unrealistic expectations on our government or president.

So for 3 years it is going to be more challenging regardless of who is president. Let us all stop blaming and looking for everyone and everything to fail and stand shoulder to shoulder and show the world how it is done in the American way. We are the leader of the world. We are the trendsetters. We are the pioneers. We have survived rough times and everyone that came to this country took great risks to get here. You are the product of your ancestors. That spirit runs in your veins. Breath in the adventure and join hands and together we can once again create something that will stand the test of time and allow change and growth to enliven the world.

Are we afraid of the light or are we afraid of what that light might reveal that is hidden in the dark?

In my life I have looked at all the ways I have managed to block or repress my life force. I love the quote from Mairanne Willimason's book "A Return to Love":

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented and famous?"

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us.
It's in everyone, and as we let our own light shine,
we consciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.


This is a wonderful quote. I have worked in my life to uncover the places that I do not let my light completely shine. But what I have discovered is that a tremendous amount of energy is repressed if you only want to look at the places within you that are light. Learning to find your goodness is essential. Without knowing the potential that is within you, you cannot have the confidence to go deeper and find the treasures of energy that you are suppressing in the shadows of your being.

We are on a dualistic planet. Half the day it is light. Half the day it is dark. All of us have duality within us.

I find it so interesting how the most "Good" people sometimes fall deep into the darkness that they are denying is within them. There are endless stories of preachers, ministers, and priests falling into the darkness within them and making choices that do not align with their own words and previous actions.

What is difficult is to realize that in each of us is darkness. The energy it takes to suppress that within us is tremendous. That energy could be used, harnessed, and allowed to find a more balanced place within. The more you suppress something the more distorted it becomes. When you deny that you hold negative thoughts or dark energy within you then that energy manifests in the outer world and often controls you subconsciously.

When you do not admit that you are greedy, then that energy might distort and may suddenly max out your credit cards. When you deny that you are afraid, you may create internalized anxiety and need medication to suppress the fear. When you deny that you are a sexual being and that you love passion, you either judge others who express their sexual energy or you hide your attraction to it by being sneaky and looking at porn sites on the web.

In the process of life I have learned that when I deny something it ends up controlling me in other ways. If I admit that I have the duality within and I listen to those voices, then I can learn how to ask questions and find ways for all the parts to find balance. I learn to admit that I am greedy. Then I notice when I have a greedy feeling and want to go shopping to fill the neediness inside. Instead of maxing out the credit cards I talk to myself and ask, "What do you need from me right now to feel taken care of?" I listen to the answer and I try to find creative ways to move that energy that is less damaging to myself.

Greed is easy. The tough ones are things such as lust. We do not like to look at the natural nature of being human and being on this planet. Everything on this planet moves sexually. Plants, birds, animals, viruses, bacteria. It is our sexual nature that is critical to the survival of the species and life as we know it. Yet somehow, it has been labeled by the religions as some great sin. Now there are ways to move it that are very distorted and cause others suffering. That is not good. But there are ways to move it healthfully and happily. Even the darker ways to move sexual energy can be fun games when there is true love present and you are conscious rather than unconscious and acting out inappropriately. You can act out your fantasies either in your mind or with partners and learn through that process to reclaim internal hidden archetypes. After all, in your genetic line there is every possible combination of person in your DNA. Why not try to find flavors that you have not integrated well.

We all love movies. You can tell by the characters and movies that you are pulled towards what archetypes you want to integrate. Movies are a great way to play out internal archetypes that we are scared to actually feel. Yet, in a scary movie we can feel the fear of the character that we do not really want to experience in this life. By feeling the hero's struggle in another movie you can find and learn how to face challenges in your life and to not quit when you feel that you might want to collapse. These characters teach us new ways to think, respond, and act. That is why we love the movies. We can be anyone. It feels good and we learn and grow through them.

To take it to the next level and make it really conscious it a whole different step. To choose to take total responsibility for uncovering the parts within that you are suppressing is difficult. After all, how can you know there is a part if you cannot feel it? The answer is to look at what you judge others for. Anything that you react to in a way that inside your head you hear something like, "Oh, my goodness! That is terrible!" is probably where to begin.

Start with small things and work up to the more difficult places. In my work as a psychic, it is my personal challenge to not judge anyone that comes in my office. I believe that we are all one heart and one love. So how can I judge you if you are already me?

But there are challenging moments with different personalities. When I notice that someones' pattern is clinching my stomach I know that later I will go in meditation and look at the archetype that this person represents within me and have a little chat. When I learn to accept all my parts then others do not cause me to contract or react. It allows me to be clearer and open to reading them from the place of objective clarity rather than judgment and reactiveness.

People do not want to be judged. They want to learn and grow. But they need someone to see them from their angle and be willing to help them move in small steps that they can do. If you are judging them you are placing them below you and expecting them to be and see from your perspective. That is often too great of a leap to take easily and they will get discouraged.

If you own your own shadow. You will have worked through your own levels and layers. Then it is much easier to show them the steps to take that are real because you have also had to take those same steps that you are asking them to do. It makes them feel as if they are not alone and that it just might be doable.

If you are working on navigating your own darkness, then others darkness does not feel like such a burden. But if you are using your life force to suppress your own shadow, then when another person walks in with that same issue, it will feel overwhelming and something you do not want to deal with. Others will feel as if they are upsetting you and they will not want to share on that deeper level.

Then you are caught in being in relationships that do not go very deep and never feel completely fulfilling. That is because you are holding parts of yourself out of intimacy with others.

So what do you have to loose by going into the shadow of your own darkness? Everything.

The risk is tremendous and the reward is also as fabulous. Learn how vast and magical you really are. When you own your wholeness then you also can give in more full and vibrant ways. You stop judging others and you accept yourself and the complex magnificence that is within you. It allows something deep inside to relax and the past stresses just melt away. It takes much less energy to do it this way. It takes a lot of energy to keep bolstering up your defensive postures.

Regardless, each of us is a work in progress. So be gentle with yourself. When you catch yourself reacting, just breathe and know that you have another opportunity to release energy that is still blocking your full radiance from coming out. You can find peace and wholeness. But you can't get there by denying what is really going on within. Talk to those parts. They might have some amazing perspectives to share with you that might make your life easier. Give it a shot. You have nothing to loose because it is all you. You will find the lost treasures that you carry and gifts that have been hidden in shadow until you were strong enough to go on the quest to find them.

Quotes from the Goddess Shrilu

Dear Bloggers;

I thought this quote was something to think about as a woman. In Buddhism there are concepts that can be difficult to interpret. The process of unraveling the words and concepts opens pathways within the mind and body. This particular one is from one of my favorite writers. Think of these like Zen Meditational concepts to expand you mind beyond knowing into the nondual state of oneness. In the Buddhist perspective the feminine is a Kali (Goddess of death, sex, rebirth, transformation, etc). It is by learning to work with the chaotic darker energies within the feminine being that balance is reclaimed and allowed to expand into the fullest expressions of love. Avoidance of the darker aspects of life and the feminine allow those aspects to become externalized in your life in frustrating and painful ways. By working with such concepts internally a balance is achieved and the external opposition melts away and energy is freed up. Thus allowing more life force to move within your daily expressions. As Americans we have had so much ease and flow it become important for us to not deny that there are darker expressions of life all around. If we do not acknowledge them then they nip us in our bottoms when we least expect them. I prefer to do the internal work and allow my external to express balance.

I am bringing some new Buddhist transformational perspectives into my awareness and I hope they cause you to ponder and wonder. Hope it makes you think the way it has done me. Enjoy.

Suzanne

Who would I be if I grew up in a matriarchal culture? I, purveyor of pleasure to the spirit, liberator of concepts for the soul, nitro-love of the broken heart, thought provoking emotion of the mind, the piercing Light of Emptiness of every electron until your body rejoices in the molecular bonds of love that just recently were chains. No political position, only politcal power for I am the Geisha of Delphi, the Oracle of Orifices, the Courtesan of Kings, Mother of Millions. Why would I lower myself to be equal with male? True, I enjoy my debasement so they can exploit the trickle they can handle. But, no, no. I would no longer succumb to my masculine aggression. I would have them drink at the well of the Emptiness of My Fecundity, until Gods they are, dancing the Dance of Swords with me as we live off the Light from the sparks our swords ignite. Until the moment is right and I surrender my guard to a penetration so deep he loses his manhood as he always feared. But our Little Deaths awaken a Larger Life.

Yet here I live, hidden from view, feeling the roiling Power in the belly of my Vacancies.

Shrilu

The Moments of Transition

Ever since my school was desegrated in Texas when I was in 7th grade I have wanted there to be a coming together of all humanity. I sat and ate lunch with the kids that they bused from South Dallas to our school. I was the only white child to do that. Twenty years later at my High School reunion, those same kids were still not allowed to sit with the other white "Elite". I was shocked. They sat at my table again. We all wondered what it would take for there to be a shift. And that shift is finally happening. Yea! It has taken 30 years of me being consciously aware of the issue to see this moment. I am also so proud to be an American!

No matter what the nay sayers have said, this moment has sent an incredible message to the world. We are a people that will change the face of prejudice. We don't just talk about opportunity and freedom. We work actively to make it happen. It may take us a long time but we are a people and country of opportunity and freedom. The world cannot count us out. The world cannot make up lies about Americans in the face of this truth. They have to take a good hard look at the propaganda of their cultures and religions and come face to face with their own inner deceptions and illusions.

There is no other country in the world that would have been able to make this tremendous choice and voice for change. It shatters the old ceiling of rigidity and cynicism.

The road will be long and hard. It has always been a long and hard road. But the United States of America is the country that attempts to be the path maker. We are the conscience of the world. We are choosing to reclaim and step back into the pioneering position of our forefathers. We are a country of innovators. We are a country of risk takers. We are not passive. We are the voice of the future.

This is a great moment in American history.