Musings about April 2012

Just like everyone I am counting the days until I get past the Mars retrograde on April 13th. It is amazing how these astrological aspects are really affecting everyone right now. What is great about it is that everyone seems to be making big shifts in their lives. Change is good but I know how hard change can be. The consensus seems to be that so much is in flux that everyone is not really sure which way they are going in this complex dance.

We simply are not where we have ever been before. For many there are often not even words to describe what is happening internally or externally. Whatever picture or pattern you thought could be the backbone of your life seems to be disintegrating right in front of your eyes. It is making us understand (on a new level) the illusions of life and the illusions that we have created in our lives to make us feel as if we are in control.

These patterns are pointing out that we do not have the control we once thought and now we need to find a new and more expanded place to flow and move from in order to find peace inside and out.

I find that the easiest place for me to stand is to just be in the present moment. Now, I know the guru’s have been saying this forever and I do not pretend to be enlightened and understand the concept on the highest level but I do know that the global patterns unfolding are so huge and vast that no one really knows what life is going to look like our combined energies will allow this expansion to manifest.

Clearly we are all working on multiple levels. We are working on dealing with our own personal crises and also contributing to the larger planetary patterns that are opening up right now.

I can feel how my own personal releases and expansions of awareness somehow vibrate into the larger matrix of life and contribute to a global awakening of sorts.

I do not pretend to be doing this alone. I am feeling that as I let go of my illusions and cherished perceptions then more of my authentic self comes fully into my body. Because I am more aligned and more congruent I can feel that I am wasting less energy and therefore I feel energized and more awake to the situations all around me. I have found that as I admit my anger, frustration, and resentment to myself about my life, my past, and my past lives, then I suddenly have less fear.

When I have less fear, I become less concerned about what others think of me or if I am doing it right. Instead I find myself in a place of innocent curiosity about everyone and everything. I look at the emotions and stresses being expressed by others around me and see them in the light of where this person is encountering their own resistance to becoming their authentic self also. There is no judgment, just an amazing curiosity and wonder as I look at the soul yearning to open.

It is interesting to note that my holding onto to old hurts and anger has actually been an avoidance pattern. When I did not admit my anger then the energy manifested as fear for others, fear of others, fear of loss, fear for the planet, fear for the country, fear of not enough money, etc.

I can now see the excellent game my ego was playing to stay in control of my consciousness. My ego had me running around and around, between: “Deny your anger and stay stuck in fear so you will be unable to move and see who you really are!”

I share this insight to hopefully assist others in disintegrating the illusions that your own ego might be creating to keep you in the same old place and awareness.

Everyone I talk to seems to want to move forward, open to the new and emerging self. And yet, the ego stubbornly wants to keep us in the past complaints, problems, and grievances so we do not risk finding out the magnificence of who we really are.

What would happen if you just stepped out of the story for a moment? What would happen right now if you couldn’t remember your past? What would you want to do? What direction would you go in?

These are the questions to ask. You are not your past. You are not your DNA. You are a constantly evolving wonder. Make yourself into the best and happiest self you could possibly be. The universe always protects you when you choose a path that opens you to your magnificence. There are always ways to change the external circumstances. But first you must change your internal states of fear, anguish, grief, suffering, upset, frustration, anger, and resentment.

Do not let anyone, anything, or any past circumstance hold you back from your perfection. Besides you are already perfect. You just forgot when you held on to the upsets and hurts. When you forgive and let go of your past, then you will remember and uncover the truth of who you really are.

Enjoy April and spring forth with the season