Looking into the Future by Being in the Now

Personal Notes From Suzanne August 9, 2012

Well it looks as if we are all experiencing big plays of energy and change. As I take a peek above the fray of the chaos that surrounds everyone and everything, I attempt to appreciate the divine plan that is all around us. I look with awe and wonder at what it takes to get us all to change and move. I honestly can see how entrenched I have been even in the face of huge movement that has been life since 2010. I can see with more clarity than I have had that regardless to the illusion that I have been living under I have been shockingly stuck in fear and stagnation. It is really amazing because I have shifted so much and so many things that it is really astounding to me that I now can see the stuckness and fear the was still pervading everything I was doing. It is humbling to see the truth of that inside myself.

In some places I have made huge strides and in others I have been clinging desperately to a choice illusion that I needed to feel safe. It is as if all the colors of the painting of my life are now melting away and the picture I wanted to live in is revealed as just a picture, nothing more. 

Where I thought there was substance there is only air. Where I thought there was integrity from others, there was deception. It is amazing how we can delude ourselves into places that allow us the luxuries of our ego and when we awaken to the reality we find ourselves standing in such a different reality that it is frightening and startling. 

I love how we have to always come back to our center, our truth, our perception, and us. Right or wrong (which is an illusion of its own) we have to go with what is calling to us. We all have lessons and challenges that we are going to have to encounter in order to grow. We cannot escape the karmas that we signed up for no matter how strong the illusion might be.

What is so difficult is to choose in when we cannot see the outcome. If you hadn’t noticed, this particular reality seems to be not giving us our normal comfort of being able to anticipate or see the future outcomes. I like to think that we are so on the edge of this reality that we are cutting the future with every step, choice, mistake, and intention. 

When I look at it from that perspective it becomes very exciting. We realize that we have to find something that makes our life have worth and meaning.

I look to the amazing people in Syria that are living such a horror. How many are going to die in standing up against a regime that is out to keep its power? How many of us are never going to know their names? They will be lost in the history books and we will never know their personal sorrow and strength. 

But I can reach out with my heart and feel into their heart. I can send my love and support to those who will not be silenced. I can give them the strength to stay true to what they believe. 

But can I do that for myself?

That is the real question right now. As I practice such compassion for others I realize my own lack of compassion for myself. I am the dictator and the freedom fighter. Inside I am the part that does not want to change and the part that is willing to die for that change.

How can we come to a peaceful resolution? I think we are all still working on that answer. The reality to which we pay attention is the reality to which we are co-creators. There is a great responsibility to that reality. How do we become conscious of the huge conflicts within? 

The first step is to accept the fact that there is a conflict. Then to look at what draws our attention and allow a healing to begin to unfold. But to do that we have to tell the truth of this moment and to just let it be. Stop making a story about it. It is what it is. The past is already past. You cannot change it but you can learn and grow from it. 

The next step is to look at the projection of the belief or pattern from the mind that you are carrying and how that story is being fed by your ego and subconscious to keep you distracted from the truth that you are hurting. 

Rather than feed the story, just stop and feel the hurt. Be honest. Feel it and let it go. You are not this feeling. You are something else. Observe the drama of your life and you will find you. 

Then you will feel as if you have some grounding underneath you. It may be a true grounding not some illusion of grounding. Your true grounding might now feel as stable and solid as you would like. But feel what is there supporting you. Stop longing for what is not there to support you. If you do you are living constantly in the past, how can you get to your future if you are always looking backward?

You can only see the future from the present. If you look at the future from the eyes of the past you only see the traumas and dramas reenacting themselves. How boring is that?

Be here now and from that place where you have gathered your whole self into the present, the doorways to the future open beautifully.