More About My Trip To India

After almost two months of being in India, Nepal, and Bhutan I am finally preparing to return home to Northern California. It has been an exciting and insightful journey.

Most of it was not what I expected or dreamed.

I want to begin with saying that the Indian people are some of the warmest, most loving, smart, determined, driven to succeed people, I have ever met.

Perhaps it is the challenges of India that make everyone you meet so determined in their life and work. Their desire to better themselves is a power I can see and respect. They have a fabulous attitude and consistently a smile on their face.

What they go through on a normal day would frustrate most Americans into screaming fits.

I have seen women working with cement in 100-degree heat in beautiful saris. I have seen men carrying loads with bikes or by hand that seem unbearable. And yet they keep going. They do not complain. Quite the contrary. They are almost always pleasant, smiling, and helpful.

Nothing in India is easy. There are very few effective systems that run smoothly. In fact, I am still trying to find one example to share. I am sure there must be something. But I draw a blank.

The Indian people deserve our respect and admiration. What they carry energetically inside is what I believe our pioneering ancestors probably had. They are independent, forthright, willing to say, “Yes” and try to find the way (even when they do not know the way). They just keep going. They show me every day how strong humanity really is. They remind me how much more we are capable of manifesting.

So as I describe India, please understand I am not criticizing but attempting to paint a picture to Americans from American eyes. I believe it is important for us to become familiar with other ways and cultures in order to understand them and to understand and appreciate our self.

I also want to point out that I was not doing the normal tourist thing. My vantage point was much more a local perspective than a luxury tourist perspective. And I was here for a long period of time. Seven weeks is a long time to be immersed in a culture.

I was in a nice area. It was across the street from a big market area with shops, etc.

The first thing I noticed was the unrelenting heat. The heat has ended up subduing many day trips and tourist outings because of its intensity. 100 + degrees, day after day, is nothing to sneeze at. You must take it into consideration if you want to be out all day, because things are not air-conditioned, as in America.

There are no sidewalks. So when you walk you are walking on the road with all the cars, motorized rickshaws, and bicycle rickshaws. It is dusty, dirty, noisy, and not easy to navigate. Not to mention that they drive on the other side of the road. As an American I have to remember to really “Look both ways”, because I will have a tendency to look the wrong way for oncoming traffic. Though I have gotten the hang of it now. They also put 5 lanes of traffic on a three-lane road.

What also became very obvious was that the Indian people are night owls. Nothing happens in the morning. Nothing is open in the morning. Nothing begins to move until about 10 to 11 am. By that time the heat is literally taking your breath away.

Oh, and I need to mention the smell! The smell of the garbage, spices, incense, humanity, and feces all mixing together is worse in the heat. (I am so grateful for the cleanliness of America.)

The people here really do not use a garbage can. Well, in truth there are no garbage cans. So they just throw trash everywhere. Once a week, the market sweeps all the garbage into a pile and then they shovel it into a bicycle powered flat bed trailer and haul it away.

Where do they take it? I do not know.

This situation creates a rat and roach problem that you cannot imagine in your worst nightmares. There are no health codes (that I can see) for any place that is serving food. Certain restaurants attempt to keep things looking clean but with the streets full of garbage, keeping roaches out of buildings is impossible.

Now I need to remind you that I am not in the tourist areas. I am in a nice area of Delhi. So the rules are definitely different if you are in the tourist areas. But after seeing what I have seen I would look more carefully even in the tourist areas.

It is a normal to go to a decent restaurant and there are roaches crawling across the floor, crawling across your table, and coming out from the bottom of your plate as it is served.

Yes, take a deep breath on that one.

I am sure there are no health inspections going on. No one would pass if they did.

There are cows eating garbage along the roads. There are camels crossing the streets carrying large wagons in the middle of rush hour traffic. There are elephants with people on top in the intersections. There are homeless dogs and cats sleeping and moving about everywhere. They are often filthy, too thin, have illnesses such as mange, eye problems, etc. Sometimes they are very used to people and just ignore you. Every once in a while they bark, snap and come at you. You can never figure out why.

I marvel at the strength of the human capacity to adapt, survive, and thrive in these conditions. But then you realize that this is what we, as humans, have dealt with for millions of years. This is really the norm in the real world.

What we experience in America is unique to this planet. And we should be tremendously grateful to our ancestors that fought, struggled, and braved tremendous obstacles just to get here. They deserve tremendous respect and gratitude for giving each of us a life of luxury and bliss. No matter what your present standard or experience of life, you are living a better life than 90% of the people on the planet.

So light a candle of gratitude to your ancestors tonight and say thanks.

In India, I have seen poverty that you cannot fathom. What we see in America, as poverty, does not hold a candle to what is out there in the world. Now I know suffering is suffering and you cannot compare the degree of anyone’s suffering but I was astounded by the reality of suffering here in India.

I have seen yogis, with the long beard and beads, filthy dirty, emaciated beyond what you think someone could survive walking around. I have seen people with body deformities that are frightening to observe. I have seen amputees begging for anything on the streets. I have seen children being forced to work in the streets selling anything to motorists by the India Mafia. I have seen people suffering and yet they have the will to endure conditions that would paralyze an American’s sensitivities.

I have been on a train in India. OMG! (Again, an experience that you would not believe.) There are hordes of people. I am the odd duck and everyone stares. Not surprising really. But anywhere I went I got stared at and mobbed for money.

What I realize is that there is so much suffering going on that you really cannot do anything but offer kindness and compassion. You cannot do anything really to make a difference because they are a billion of them suffering.

I got there early in the morning to catch my train and people were sleeping everywhere, on the way to the station out front, in the street, on the stairs, on the platforms, you name it. And there were hundreds of people moving towards trains. If you did not have a reservation you would have had to be crammed into a boxcar to stand the entire way.

Think of a New York subway at rush hour and it is 100 degrees and you are shoulder to shoulder with a hundred people in a car. They were literally hanging out the doorway as the train began to move.

You dare not open your purse to give money as you will immediately not be safe and you will be mobbed. In such situations you are not safe. Perhaps if I had been dressed more traditionally in Indian style it would have helped. Fortunately I had an Indian male guide to help me navigate the immense train situation. Otherwise it would have not been possible to figure out all the trains, times, cars, and bunks.

Simple things like toilet paper are not in restaurants, train stations, even some airports. You cannot go to the bathroom without your own paper. In India they wash their left hand in water sitting by the hole in the ground after they go to the bathroom. Wiping the appropriate parts with water. But then there is no towel to dry your hand. I have learned to be so grateful for the simplest things like toilet paper and paper towels.

I think that now, when any American goes into a drama about something small, I am sure now I will look at them with completely different eyes. I will look at them with the eyes of compassion and recognize that this person is limited in their perspective. Over-reacting to something small is really like being a spoiled child that does not really understand life. They are not appreciating the tremendous gift that is their life and they are looking for meaning in the wrong way to find true fulfillment.



Being an American in India puts us into the ExPat category. In this caste system, puts us into the higher echelon. Which causes a totally new set of problems and obstacles. At least for me it is challenging. I am used to doing things myself.

I am not used to being completely catered to. But in India, labor is so cheap that you can get a full time servant for $200 per month.

Goodness gracious, I would spend almost that for my house to be cleaned by two women in America in one day.

When you go to a restaurant or store. Multiple workers want to cater to you. They shadow you around the shop, waiting for the moment when they can help you. It is like being constantly bombarded by other people energetically. You feel as if you cannot be alone just to think something through and make a decision.

The workers also want to talk to you. They are desperate to practice their English, which gives them status and opportunity in a country of a billion people. Their intent is really very sweet but you have to remember, it is 110 degrees, there is limited air conditioning, the heat is suffocating, you are overwhelmed with smells and the energy of so many people, and you are attempting to navigate a new situation, calculate cost based on rupee, etc. Well you get the idea.

I have tried asking them nicely saying, “I am so sorry, but I am exhausted, could you just give me a minute and some space to think?” However, then you realize that most of the time they do not understand what you are saying. They are used to a more British version of English and so our accent is very difficult for them to interpret.

I also have realized another piece, which is that they do not want to be seen as not doing their job, not being of service. I am sure they think that they will loose their job and jobs are hard to come by.

What the Indian people have is a determination to keep going no matter what. It is to be commended and respected.

Then there is the next piece to know about India, you have to check your restaurant bill to see if there is already a service fee (translation: a tip) included in the bill. Some do and some don’t. So you have to check. A normal service fee is 10% in India and most of the time it is automatically included in the bill. If you leave more money for the waiter (trying to be nice), they will come running after you to tell you that you forgot your money.

I have tried to explain that I was leaving it for the waiter, at which point they look confused and like they do not understand your reasoning behind your actions.

Another time I was in my apartment and the doorknob of a room just fell off the door. So I called the manager and explained the situation and said that I also needed some glue to fix the shower curtain hangers. Which had come apart and the shower curtain was not hanging properly. I also needed a tool to put the futon hide-a-bed in the extra guest room back together properly as it would no longer close. On the frame there was a piece that needed to be screwed back together again. This was what I considered something simple.

By the way, there is no Home Depot!

So here comes my joke. How many people does it take to change a doorknob in India?

The answer is 4.

You need a worker for the owner to come to look at the problem and report it back to the owner, get approval to change the doorknob, and the authority to make the purchase of the doorknob.

You need two locksmiths to do the job and to discuss exactly what needs to be done and what kind of doorknob will work. One of the workers will go to buy the doorknob with the owners’ worker and one will stay put and dismantle the old doorknob. And you need one cleaning person to clean up the mess.

Not to mention that they spent 3 hours in the apartment discussing everything and making a decision. Then going out to buy the doorknob leaving the cleaning person and the other locksmith behind.

Then I realized that the other locksmith was sitting on the hard marble floor in the second bedroom, quietly waiting.

I told him to come in and sit on the sofa and watch the television and at least get comfortable.
His face became horrified. I realized that it was not normal for the “Lady of the House” to make such an offer. He saw himself as below me in status and caste.

I insisted he come on in and at least relax and watch the English movie that I was watching.

He moved like molasses looking at the other worker to see if he was really doing something wrong. With a glance from the other guy that it was okay, he nervously sat down. I made sure I sat somewhere else in the room because I have learned how much moral protocol there is in India between men and women.

He tried to relax and fortunately he seemed to get there after an hour or so of waiting.
But the moment the others came in the door, he was standing like a shot and they promptly got back to business.

As it was the last time I was going to see the cleaning man, I gave him a tip of about $20. I tell you, it was as if I had just given him the moon. He was stunned and grateful. It is amazing how such a small thing can give so much joy.

India is also the highest gold buyer in the world. The women love their jewelry here and the pieces are amazing. But they are big, ostentatious and very heavy. Most of the earrings I could never wear. The posts are bigger and tough to get through my ears and then the weight is completely uncomfortable for any length of time.

When I was in a jewelry store I had to ask the question to the women at the counter, “Where do you wear this type of jewelry? It is so big and expensive. I would be afraid to wear it out.”

She replied, “Oh yes! You cannot wear it out in a normal setting. Someone could pull it right off your neck. That is why we have these huge clasps that will bear 400 pounds of pressure. You can only wear this if you have bodyguards. Or perhaps if you are going to an event or a wedding.”

The question then becomes, “Why would you buy it?”

And buy it they do. The stores are busy. Perhaps it is a way to save money and they do not trust the banks. Perhaps it is to wear at home in the privacy of safety and security. I do not know.
I bought one set of small earrings and that was all. The rest I bought costume jewelry with gold plate. It still looks Indian and unique but not worth much.

Where I did go crazy was in shoes.

God, how typical of an American woman is that?

But they were really unique and amazing. They are all sandals but they are sparkly and colorful. Manolo Blotnick, get out of the way. The Indian woman already had this flirty shoe thing down. When it comes to wanting to be girly, feminine, colorful, or making a statement, the shoes win.

I have some lovely ones to show off when I get back.

Fortunately in California, I can wear them a lot. I am glad I do not live in Chicago. They probably would not fit in so well in the cold and snow. Ha!

The middle of May we entered into an early monsoon season. Which is good and bad. What was good was that the clouds and rain does break the heat. The clouds come in. It gets very dark. Thunder and lightening starts crackling across the sky until finally it pours. Since we are at the beginning of the monsoons, it rains hugely for a while and then stops. That will not be the case when the full monsoon hits. Then it will literally rain for months.

I hear that in Delhi we are lucky as the rain has a huge flat plain to disperse the water. So the water will come down but it will also leave quickly.

Mumbai is another story. Because of its location and how the streets are, when it rains the water has no place to go and you will end up knee deep in water. I hear that the higher caste women will not go out at all. They will have all their servants do all the errands.

I understand why. With all the garbage around, I do not want to walk in knee-deep water that is full of garbage. Ugh!

That is also the season for malaria, and all the water borne diseases. I am glad I am leaving now. So remember to not go to India in June/July/August unless you want to get very wet and have to take all your malaria pills.

There is also very tight security in India. You can understand why when you look at the fact that Pakistan is right next door. And these two countries have had strained relations for a thousand years. So getting into the country you need a visa, which takes a couple of weeks. They are very careful and you need to have more than just your passport. They want your birth certificate, driver’s license (with present address), and a utility bill (in your name with a present address that matches the previous one).

Then when you get to India, you need to make sure at customs, that you let the customs person know that you might me leaving and going to another country. (Such as myself who went to Nepal and Bhutan). Seems that you can enter the country but then if you leave you have to be gone for 60 days before you return. If you let the customs person know they make a note in their computer and you are fine. But they will check and want to see a copy of your airplane itinerary to leave the country.

So it is a bad idea to have a one-way ticket to India. They want a round trip ticket to know that you will be actually leaving the country. You will need to show a copy of your itinerary and your passport in hand to enter the front door of any airport. You will also have your luggage and carry-on luggage screened multiple times to get on the plane.

Nepal was actually the worst. We got checked 3 times to get to the gate. Then a bus took us to the plane at which time they made us open all our hand luggage one last time before we could get on the plane. It took a long time to just get on the plane and sit down.

Also getting into hotels is a bomb squad check at the gate to the hotel. (Probably a really good idea with all the suicide bombers so close by.) India has had its fair share of bombings, which as Americans we do not hear so much about.

So do not make jokes and be a stupid American as you are going through all the checkpoints. This is very serious business to them and not funny. People regularly die from bombings and so they are extremely cautious.

I have seen the most amazing airport in Surat. It was brand new, modern, and two flights per day. Then I realized that Surat was the diamond cutting capital of India. Now I know what financed that airport. They wanted to bring the diamonds in and out without a lot of hassle.

The people in India have a devotion to their religion that colors everything no matter what the religion is that we are speaking.

Personally, I am not sure I could keep all the gods and goddesses straight in Hinduism. It is complicated. But there is much more than just that. Buddhism is strong. Sikhism is also strong. And there are also Muslims here. I am sure there are many offshoots of other things as everything became so intermingled in my mind. But my best skill is not in explaining the complex patterns of religion in India.

Lets just say that India is a melting pot of some of the most influential religions of the past 3000 years. Even Christianity is tremendously influenced by India, as the stories of Christ are actually Buddhist, Hindu, Jewish, Sumerian, Egyptian, and Shivism, all mixed together. There are probably many more than that. But I digress.

In Hinduism there are lots of holidays. One in particular is fun. It is called Holi. Not as in Holy. Holi.

Holi is the springtime festival of colors. It is undoubtedly the most fun-filled and boisterous of Hindu festivals. It's an occasion that brings in unadulterated joy and mirth, fun and play, music and dance, and, of course, lots of bright colors!

During Holi, things (which at other times could be offensive) are allowed. Squirting colored water on passers-by, dunking friends in mud pools amidst teasing and laughter, getting intoxicated on bhaang and reveling with companions is perfectly acceptable.

In fact, on the days of Holi, you can get away with almost anything by saying, "Don't mind, it's Holi!"

Holi is a boisterous occasion! Draped in white, people throng the streets in large numbers and smear each other with bright hued powders and squirt colored water on one another through pichkaris (big syringe-like hand-pumps), irrespective of caste, color, race, sex, or social status. All the petty differences are temporarily relegated to the background and people give into an unalloyed colorful rebellion. There is exchange of greetings, the elders distribute sweets and money, and all join in frenzied dance to the rhythm of the drums.

Women especially enjoy the holiday as it allows for freedoms not accepted in normal Hindu society. They can come up to anyone and give him or her a hug and a kiss. They can express affections in a more wild way. Holi is the most insane after work. Then everyone dresses in white and goes out on the streets to ambushing others with liquid color and hugs. It is quite crazy and fun.

India is full of color, extremes, spirituality, religious fervor, spices, tastes, sounds, smells, intensity, humidity, heat, dirt, dust, philosophy, corrupt politicians, ancient wisdom, temples of grandeur, etc. It plunges you into its chaotic mix of life and you cannot help but be infected by it and changed forever. Nothing is small here. India is alive. It is thriving. It is driven. It is a country that will be noticed. It is a people that will stand up and be seen in the world. They will find a way to leave their mark in the world and we are blessed to have them as part of the human race.