Differences between the Masculine and Feminine.

Differences between the masculine consciousness and the feminine consciousness are extensive. Often each group mistakes that they exist in the same reality. Unfortunately that is not very often the case.

The differences begin on the cellular level as the egg and sperm meet.

At first, the brains of male and female fetuses appear similar, that is up until the eighth week. At that moment a huge surge of testosterone activates the genes in the male fetus. This kills off some of the cells in the communication area of the brain and grows more cells in the aggression centers within other areas. On the other hand, the female fetus’s brain creates more connections in the communication area, as well as, the areas that process emotions and feelings.

Logically this causes girls to become more talkative than boys from the very beginning. Men use approximately seven thousand words per day. Women can use up to twenty thousand words in a day. Most men use the majority of their words during their normal work day. However, women use about half at work and want to express the other half in their intimate relationships outside of work.

So men come home and want to have silence. Whereas women come home and want to have lots of conversation and connections through sharing what has happened in their day.

From the time a girl is born she automatically attunes to faces, words, tonality, and feelings that are coming into her from the external world. Boys will still look at faces but their brain skill at interpretation of the information tends not to greatly increase. Whereas, with girls, in the first three months of life their skills at facial gazing and eye contact increase by 400 percent. Lack of facial expression to a girl is interpreted as that they are doing something wrong and a girl will do anything to elicit a response or a reaction. Lack of expression to a girl is confusing to her and she interprets it as a lack of love or that she is not good enough.

Looking at this one simple difference affects many of the situations that males and females encounter as we mature into adult sexual beings.

Many men and women make the mistake that the opposite partner is actually living in the same world and domain as them. This is not true. Once each person stops trying to make the other fit into the model of awareness that they personally have, many things will become much clearer and it allows us to relax and open into more intimacy.

Okay, so the first clue for men to understand is that a woman’s body is chemically changing every day of her cycle in huge waves of hormones. She cannot change that. She cannot make her emotions level even if she wanted to. She is not trying to be difficult. It is how she is made in order to learn to bond and connect with others in order to keep herself and her children safe and able to survive into adulthood.

Women have a wider and more intense range of chemicals running through her body than men. This is what makes the feminine so interesting and exciting to the masculine.

The best person at this time mapping the masculine and feminine typology is David Deida. He is the author of numerous books on Sexuality and Spirituality. My favorite for the person starting out is his CD’s called “Enlightened Sex”. Using David Deida’s model of describing the masculine and feminine, he states, “The masculine is about emptiness. The feminine is about fullness.”

This means that the masculine loves to go into the void, the nothingness, the stillness. Masculine wants to be emptied. It is correlated to the masculine’s experience of orgasm. Most men want to experience that release that comes with an orgasm. All day long they are looking to a moment when their mind finally stops and there is nothing but stillness and silence. This is the idea of the masculine bliss. Men love to problem solve because the bliss comes when a task is completed and the solution is found. Then their mind becomes quiet and they feel aligned with their deepest purpose. Males love to accomplish things and resolve problems. It is their idea of fun. They also love to be challenged. Males in a room with nothing to do will create a challenge just to be able to have a goal to move towards so they can finish something and come to a resolution and have moments of emptiness. So the masculine grows through challenge and confrontation. This allows them to move towards their inner purpose and to find the solutions and create that feeling of emptiness that is their inner bliss.

The feminine wants fullness of life force. Women’s bodies are designed to hold babies and women love to fill up spaces with things that have meaning to them. The feminine bliss is to feel full. If a woman does not feel full with love and life force she may try to get that fullness in more unhealthy ways, such as; eating too much, over shopping, worrying, or creating dramas in order to feel alive.

In general, this looks insane to the masculine! It looks to the masculine as if the feminine is intentionally trying to create problems. The masculine wants to solve problems and the feminine seems to want to create them.

But the feminine is deeply searching for the complete and total expression of her heart and love while she is alive. Dramas create opportunities for her to grow and learn how to open her heart to love in more and more ways which is the feminine idea of bliss.

To the feminine the sheer idea that there is any way to get to nothingness seems absurd. To her the masculine is disconnected to the wonder and fabulous intensity of life that is all around.

When females have orgasms, they feel filled with the masculine energy and life force. She then wants to talk and deepen that emotional connection through communication. This is the last thing the masculine wants to do after orgasm. This is why women complain that they do not understand why men fall asleep after sex. But if we look at this phenomenon as a sheer energetic perspective, the masculine has just ejaculated all his life force into the feminine in the form of sperm. This takes a lot of energy. Afterwards, the masculine is spent. The feminine has received a tremendous amount of energy into her body and she is now holding more than normal energy. She is infused with renewed energy and wants to play and connect with the one she loves. She is feeling full and wants to share that energy through the methods that she sees as most valuable from her perspective. Chatting and talking is a way to share deep inner feelings and creates a release of chemicals that calm the feminine down.

So the masculine grows through challenge but the feminine grows through praise. This is a critical thing to remember when dealing with intimate relationships. Because the communication center is larger in the female, she is also constantly internally communicating with herself. This can translate in a woman’s brain as potential inner criticism. Women are constantly dealing with an ongoing inner dialogue about themselves and how they have done in their life. So feedback from the one that loves you can carry more weight then her inner dialogue and at moments she may need the masculine’s clarity of love to cut through her inner “bull shit”. This is why praise is so important to the feminine. She is already very good at criticizing herself. What she needs some help with is positive feedback when it is genuinely deserved. That last statement is very important because women are so sensitive to subtle body energy that she will know when you are lying or just placating her.

Men often wonder why women need to hear repeatedly the man say, “I love you.” Again, a woman’s internal dialogue is always going. So when men do not show expression on their face (In general men love the nothingness and tend to express less on their face.) this begins to worry the feminine. She interprets no expression, even as a child, as that she is doing something wrong or that she is not good enough. So women will just ask the question, “Do you love me?” If your face and body language do not show congruence with your words completely then she will ask the question again, “No really! Do you really love me?”

Men in general think that if they say something once then it is always going to be true. And the feminine partner should know that. Men rarely will say things that are not true for them once they are established in a committed intimate relationship. When a man is on the hunt for a woman, they can and do say almost anything to find a way through a woman’s armor to get them to move in the direction of sex and intimacy. Also, when men are young and in the hormonal rush they tend to feel the lust first and love comes later. This is why women get so frustrated with men that it can take them so long to admit that they are in love.

Women in general are speaking and communicating about what they are feeling, rather than what is absolutely and completely true. This is partially because of the constant daily shift in major chemicals that affect the emotional swings in women. So women will often speak from the moment rather than the overall truth. I like to think that women speak from the archetype that is in charge in that moment within. If an angry part is in charge at that time then the opinion of that aspect is communicating with you. However, it is only once aspect of this woman not the whole being of that woman. That does not mean that there are not other contrary voices that do not have the anger. Often when a woman is angry she is actually saying that she loves you so much that you make her angry when you do unconscious things that hurt her feelings. She hates your unconsciousness and lack of attention, not actually you personally.

The other key thing for men to remember is that once a woman expresses something it is immediately no longer completely true. Now, it has changed. It is no longer in the forefront. That archetype has expressed itself and often will take a back seat to the next voice or archetype that needs to speak or be heard. This tendency makes men think that women cannot really tell the truth. But you need to understand that what is true to a woman is the emotion being expressed in that moment. To the feminine that is the most important thing.

The masculine looks for truth as resolution and a solving of a problem. If you can get to the kernel of truth underneath the behavior or problem then it is solved and the problem will go away and there will be peace, silence, and emptiness, which is the masculine bliss.

But this is not the idea of feminine bliss. If all the problems get fixed then there will be no communication or connection. To the feminine that looks dead, dull, and lacking life force. To her this means there is no longer love flowing. This is the main reason that the masculine accuses the feminine of creating problems just for the sake of creating problems. And this statement is not completely inaccurate.

The feminine loves the dance of expanding love and life. Problems are simply a way of her learning to love in a new way. Her goal is to find ways to love through all the emotions. This does not mean that she will always do it well and in a conscious way but that is the inner feminine intention.

So the Masculine grows through confrontation and challenge. The masculine loves silence, emptiness, the void, and stillness. Masculine religions include monasticism, austerity, silence, celibacy, religious riddles that can take years to figure out, etc.

The Feminine grows through praise. The feminine loves fullness, emotions, food, children, and projects, anything that brings life force into her reality. Feminine religions are full o life like Beltane, Whirling Dervishes, May pole dancing, yoga, etc. Anything that brings fullness and life into presence.

As David Deida says, “The masculine is pure consciousness.” It is the thing that you were when you were ten years old and it will be the thing when you leave this body. Your consciousness is what you take with you to the other side.

But the feminine is everything else. She is life force itself. She is the weather. She is the ocean. She is the wind. She is constant change. She is body. She is all the emotions.

This tremendous difference in perceptions and energy is what makes sex so important and potent between two people. As each person is living in such a different domain it is critical to understand that where they overlap is in sex and intimacy.

During this holiday season. Take a moment to look at the member in your family and honor the gifts they bring to the mix that is your family. Praise the women and honor the masculine gifts of protection and consciousness that are in your life. Enjoy the holidays.