Surviving the Intensity of Fall

As the emotional intensity has built up over the month of October, I hope everyone feels as if they have survived and expanded in direct proportion to the emotional challenges that you experienced.

I try to remember that whenever I expand I will also naturally contract as my body and genetic memory try to force me back into the patterns and habits of the past that have kept me safe.

No matter what, you either grow and evolve or you contract and constrict your life force. This is the process of life. We all do it at different times but if you take a look at your experiences, more often than not, the end result of upset is positive change. That change comes at a cost. Most of the time the cost is that of your ego.

Egos are a tricky thing. We have moments when our soul essence breaks through and our ego no longer has control over our reality. Then, somehow our ego finds another way to manipulate us into some small box of perception once again.

I was navigating my own upsets and challenges over the month of October and so one Sunday I spent four hours in meditation, calling out to any angel, spirit, being, guide, god or goddess to help create some clarity, center, and calm.

Ironically, I saw the Goddess Durga. Durga is a Hindu representation of the Divine Mother. Other names for her are Parvati, Ambika, and Kali. She protects mankind from evil and misery by destroying evil forces such as selfishness, jealousy, prejudice, hatred, anger, and ego.

She was exactly what I needed in that moment. I find that if you honestly and authentically ask for help in life you will always receive support and clarity in some way. The problem is that you must be willing to accept the help in the form that is shows up without judgment or fear.

What Durga kept repeating to me was helpful and calming. She said that I needed to let go and trust the Divine that patterns were in motion that I could not control. I needed to trust that something was unfolding on its own that was supportive of my evolution and consciousness. When things are out of alignment with your true nature, life will tend to show you where you have been in illusion, delusion, striving, attachment, and wanting.

Receiving what you want is not always what is best for your soul’s development and awareness. Confrontations happen to force you to realize what you really want from what you think you should want.

We often limit ourselves and sell out our bigger dream for qualities and patterns that seem pretty good. It is our lack of self worth and the pattern of not really feeling entitled enough that allow us to choose “Good Enough” over the fullest expression of our being in this life.

I notice if I do not have something in my life, that my mind wants. And I am in conflict with the fact that I do not have it. Ultimately, I have to face the reality that deep down I do not feel entitled to that thing or situation. Because if I did I would be creating that in any way I could. And I would have that thing in my life right now. Somewhere deep down I do not feel as if I have earned that right or place.

The “Hero’s Journey” is about how all of us need to challenge ourselves and overcome situations and obstacles to open us up to our deepest potential. In that way, we know we have earned the right to be standing in a place of certainty and clarity. Of course the big joke is that when you reach the goal, your ego will once again want to use that goal as a stopping point and a place where you can “rest on your accomplishments”. That is fine for a bit but the truly conscious beings attempt to remain open to every situation and circumstance that can allow them to open further, let go of another layer of ego or judgment, and become free and expanded beyond the limited concepts of the mind.

If you can remember that this whole experience you are having is an elaborate game manifested by you in order to grow, then you learn to not take your own opinion so seriously.

Everyone is being accurate from their perception and angle of understanding. So every person is being as true as they know how to be from their personality that is being dominant at that moment. The growth of consciousness comes when you finally see that you are not your personality. You are not your body. You are not your mind. You are not what you think. You are not your DNA. You are not the complex patterns of your nervous system that learned and came to conclusions based on fear, desire, or upset.

You are much vaster than all of that. The more you let go of what you think you are and what you think you should be, then you begin to feel the freedom of your authentic self merging into your physical body. You will know when you have hit upon it because clarity is calm. The chaos will stop and the mind will cease its endless seeking and chattering.

Just know that there will be many more moments when your ego will again need to be broken down and expanded some more. You are all limitless beings that want to explore the limitation of this density. Enjoy the drama. Enjoy the creative process. Enjoy the upsets and rigidity of needing to be right. And when you finally get tired of the internal justification and chatter within, you will step beyond the fear of being wrong and find the way to your true self.