Understanding Feminine Trust

The feminine wants to learn to trust her partner but this is often difficult because she will have learned to trust him in some small ways but in other places she will not have fully opened her heart to him.

The masculine needs to learn how to feel into the feminine heart moment-by-moment. Once he learns that skill, he needs to remember that the feminine will lie and not necessarily tell him what would work or what she needs.

Sometimes it is because she does not know herself. Sometimes it is because she does not want to let go of the power that she has gained in the second stage masculine shell that she created. Often it is because in the hormonal complexity of being feminine creates a constant state of change and confusion. Women define their self worth as to how they can help and serve others. Women train themselves into feeling into others rather than feeling into what they might need in this moment. A woman can become horribly distracted by the needs and feelings of others she loves, thereby negating herself to the point of such internal stress that she no longer actually knows what will work to open her back up again. This causes such tremendous stress that she can get to the point of exhaustion and become so tired that she does not know what will break her out of the pattern.

This is how women get stuck in ruts.

So when a man makes a suggestion to a woman under such pressure, she might just snap and lash out in sheer frustration and exhaustion. This is because often a mans suggestion sounds like one more thing she needs to do.

Men need to learn that for a woman to trust, you cannot take a tone of lording over her, tell her what to do, preach to her in a way that she thinks you are speaking down to her, or be condescending. Know that women most often react to tone of your voice and your body stance much more than to what you are saying.

Women in general respond to praise rather than confrontation.

This is not what the masculine is used to as men will often respond to challenge or confrontation. That pattern will often collapse emotionally strongly feminine women.

The more you can stay relaxed in your body in an unflappable way, look deeply into her eyes, penetrate her heart, breath with her for a moment, bring her back to presence with you in the now, touch her in a way that lets her know she is the light of your life, and then use humor to allow her to step out of the drama that she feels is her constant companion, then she will learn how to bodily trust you more and more.

If that last paragraph sounds impossible to a man, you now know why your feminine partner does not trust you. Women know that they are very strong and can do most things. But really deep down in their heart they do not want to do it all the time.

An example of a masculine person navigating a feminine person well was when a feminine person I know was totally overwhelmed from work and her life but she had managed to get to this group meeting at my office. She had just come in the door for this meeting but she had been battling an illness, deadlines, and a marriage that was breaking apart. She looked exhausted and yet she had come to the event because this was important to her. Another masculine person in the group listened to her litany about how stressed she was. A good masculine person will know to allow the storm of the emotions of the feminine to wash over him and just be steady like the shore of the ocean. At the right moment, he just chimed in: “That sounds like you deserve a watermelon moment!”

At which point she broke into a smile and visibly relaxed. Even she noticed that the negative energy just suddenly drained away from her and she felt more energized and present. His action allowed her to open appropriately in that particular context.

When a man can begin to feel beyond a woman’s resistance, her patterns of protection, her need to validate herself by helping others, and her need to be in control then he becomes a man that is trustworthy.

Trust to the feminine is a complex pattern that is constantly testing the masculine. Men need to understand that the test never ends. Men need to remember that they will fail over and over. But this is not a disaster if you know how to shift quickly when you have failed to earn your woman’s trust.

An easy example is when there is a discussion that turns into an argument. As a man, it is very important to know that the feminine is almost always right in the domain of subtle emotional expression, energy, and how something flows in life. That does not mean that her plan or strategy will necessarily work. That is where the masculine reigns supreme. Masculine energy loves to create plans, strategies, and structures to get things accomplished. The feminine can create a plan but that plan will often include everyone else’s issues and needs but not necessarily her own. It will still be a good plan but if a woman has created a strong trustworthy masculine partner, he will be able to make small shifts that allow her to also feel complete and loved.

But during an argument there is a tricky energy pattern at work. Each person is seeing from his or her own particular angle of perception. Each is correct but they may not be able to see the other’s perspective clearly. Masculine partners need to learn to validate the feminine, energetic, subtle feedback. The feminine partner needs to learn how to give that feedback in a way that does not make the hackles of her masculine partner go up.

The way to earn feminine trust is for the masculine to get the message that the feminine is attempting to give him and to admit where he was off as quickly as he can. This will allow her to let go also.

This is not easy to do when you are triggered.

The masculine partner needs to trust that the feminine partner really wants to have her man be the best that he can be. She may not know how to say it well (especially when she is triggered) but he needs to hear her. The feminine desperately needs to feel heard and understood by her partner. So masculine partners you need to know that this is very challenging to you because it will feel as if she is talking in a million different directions all at once. It will be hard to track. But if you can sort the truth from the upset and emotionality of your feminine partner, you win the game.

Because the moment you get it, she will feel you shift bodily inside. And instantly the argument is over for her. It is as if it never happened.

Feminine partners constantly respond to the bodily energetic response from everyone and everything around her. If she feels you get it then she can totally let go of her emotional response.

Now I must say here that there are women that have habits to emotionally beat up their partners and they will not drop it because they are attached to the drama. This is not the normal healthy feminine. The best way to stop such a pattern is for the masculine partner to walk out of the room and not respond to a woman who wants to constantly continue the drama after it is no longer necessarily.

If a man can be strong and get the information in a way that his feminine partner can feel, then it is a huge relief emotionally and energetically to his feminine partner.

I have had partners in my life that got it and even said, “Okay, I totally hear and understand what you just said and you are right! So can we start this whole conversation over again from the beginning?”

That experience was so wonderful that to this day I cannot even remember what the upset was about. I could feel him viscerally shift and there was no more need for a discussion. The trigger just evaporated.