More About The Dying Process

In dealing with my father’s passing the wonderful hospice, Casa de la Luz, gave me some incredible information for those of you that might be interested in the dying process and what to expect for your own process as well as those you love as they begin that journey.

Here it is in my own words and experience.

Months to Weeks

When someone enters the process from being alive from months to weeks you will notice that the body will weaken. You may feel as if you need more care and are unable to do the normal things. You may feel less like eating and drinking. You will become more aware that you are actually dying. This may cause you to want to withdraw from past behavior patterns such as, newspapers, television, and wondering what is happening in the external world. You may appreciate just being in the silence.

As you loose contact with the external world your body’s rhythms will also change. You may find that you sleep irregularly and more often. This sleep may seem like a review of your life and a time of inner preparation. It is as if you are testing dying by putting yourself more often into the dream world than the real world. You will often want to reminisce and share quality time with loved ones. Your dreams will have a more spiritual quality and visitations by those that have passed before you may occur. This is often comforting and loving to the one dying.

In this stage those that love you need to remember that doing at this time is not really important. The being in silence is the greatest gift you can offer. Personal grief for those helping is common as the reality sinks in that the loved one is dying. You can find comfort in assisting in writing last letters, notes, or to convey messages for the dying person. Spiritual practices help in this moment create a calm acceptance and trust in the process.

Weeks to Days

When the dying person is closer to death, from weeks to days, you will notice an increased weakness and they will sleep more. Don’t forget that there is a labor in the dying experience, just as in birth. Each person handles this stage differently but some of the symptoms that will occur are: ceasing to eat and drink, other than small amounts, changes in breathing, pulse, and blood pressure, some congestion, possible fever, restlessness and disorientation, less responsiveness to those around you, changes in skin color, temperature, and perspiration. These symptoms may come and go for no apparent reason. The body is slowly shutting down. Pain management and comforting measures are required at this time so the person can be as relaxed in the process as possible.

More spiritual experiences will be happening as the soul connects with the guides and family members that will be there to assist them in their journey.

As the dying person becomes less responsive it is important to remember that the last sense to leave is the hearing. So speaking to them, in soothing ways, is comforting to them and assists them in staying calm. Those assisting the dying person are reminded to listen with your heart and speak from that place with the dying person. Say anything that you feel compelled to share during this time. Know they are hearing you.

As you attend to the dying person’s needs remember that they are still there and tell them what you are about to do before you do it. They have one foot on the other side and physical changes in their environment pull them back into the physical world. If you speak softly to them they are better able to keep one foot on the other side and allow you to assist them in relation to the physical world. Music, prayer, or favorite stories are helpful during this time.

Communication with the dying person may seem unusual. They may speak symbolically and have sentences that are disjointed. Do not try to orient them back into this world. It is more helpful to use their language back to them in understanding and comfort. You are affirming their experience. An example would be that one man kept saying that he didn’t want to board the train, as he did not have tickets for his loved ones. Respond by saying that he could go on ahead and you would be sure that they all got their tickets also.

Remember, there is no right way to die. Death is a deeply personal journey. For you there is only your way to die and it will be perfect for you.

These moments it is good to reaffirm that you will always be together in love and spirit. Thank them for their love and help.

As they become less responsive, be sensitive when speaking with others in his or her presence. Remember hearing is the last thing to go in the dying process. Do not discuss upset or problems that my cause your loved one discomfort.

Days to Hours

At this time the body will undergo pronounced physical changes. Pulse and blood pressure become erratic. Breathing patterns change. Respirations increase and then rapidly decrease. Breathing may stop for up to one minute at a time. Skin color and body temperature change. Nail beds, hands, and feet become bluish due to poor circulation. Eyes become glassy and unfocused, dry, or tearful. Congestion becomes more pronounced. Urine output may darken or cease. They may be unable to respond to the environment and may go into a coma.

These changes are natural ways the body ceases to function. During this time the patient may have a “last hurrah”. This is a moment of complete clarity and it will appear as if the person is getting better. This is a gift to connect to those loved ones one last time and is a surge of spiritual energy for the soul to depart the body. This can be followed by a short period of agitation and restlessness. This is followed by a deeper surrender to the dying experience.

For those assisting the dying person it is important that the labor of death as it appears to the living may seem difficult, but often the dying person is no aware of this difficulty.

This is a time to get support from family counselors, hospice social workers, and church officials to assist you in letting the dying person go. Know that your loving presence is all that is needed at this time. Allow yourself to feel everything that your feel and express your love and heart.

Some people wait for a particular person to be there for them to die. But about 80% of the time the dying person will want to do the journey when no one is there. This is because those living give life force and energy to the dying person. Do no be distressed if they make that shift when you left for a brief moment.

Each last breath is a test of the butterfly’s wings waiting for that moment of expansion.

The last breath is the final crossing over of the soul to the divine.

At the moment of Death

In this moment the breathing and heartbeat cease, all the muscles in the body relax and the mouth may fall open. Eyelids may open, and the eyes will be still. The person has transcended this body. They are free.

For the caregivers it is important to take as much time as you want with the departed. Do not rush your process. The dead person is probably still in the room being with you. Saying goodbye in the ways that have meaning for you and your family are important for closure at this moment.

Remember, Love has been made visible by the compassion, devotion, and tenderness you have shown for their process.