Numerology/Astrology for 11/18/18 - Plus Personal Blog

Numerology/Astrology for 11/18/18

11/18/18 is the number 4. The number 4 is about balance. These days it seems that so many things have lost that balance. Things we could count on seem to be being broken down piece by piece. That is why it is up to each of us to have such a solid core within that the external never can distort or throw off this internal. And balance is easy and organic. Fighting is always about a response to an internal imbalance that the mind is trying to sort out. But it is very possible to be balanced and neutral while observing the external chaos. Objective understanding only comes when you are standing on solid ground internally. Within each of us, we know (soul wise) what is right. It is that darn mind that keeps getting in the way. The mind wants to make that which is normal, natural and clearly obvious difficult. The mind loves to compare and then decide what is better or worse. I believe that we are born with that innate balance. Children love everyone at the beginning. You have to teach them to hate. It is not our natural state of being as souls of light and consciousness. Within you is still that child self that is in alignment with the natural world. Just give him or her a chance to show you something that is often very obvious and easy to do. When you find that center again. The stress will melt away.
~Suzanne Wagner~

Astrology Today

The Moon moves from Pisces into Aries just before Noon today. It may make drivers bolder and more reckless. Beware of those acting and driving erratically. But use this energy to allow an enterprising energy to take over. Aries is the beginning. And we want to start fresh. We also do not want to waste time on apologies or contemplating the past. Just a reminder that a good knowing of the past will help make more conscious choices in the future. But sometimes our choices from the past do not assist our evolution but loop us into the dysfunction of prior emotionally reactive moments.

The Mars-Jupiter square adds more pressure today. I know! You really did not need that on a Sunday! But you can use this positively if you let it build up your confidence and enthusiasm. Be aware that a joke can get taken a bit too far and feelings can get hurt.

~Suzanne Wagner~

Quote

Justice is conscience, not a personal
conscience but the conscience of the whole of
humanity. Those who clearly recognize the
voice of their own conscience usually
recognize also the voice of justice.
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn~

Blog

I was raised in a very Irish Catholic family. Both sides were committed to that protocol. One set of grandparents were lovely, peaceful, more open, and kind. The others were more dogmatic, rigid, judgmental, opinionated, and unbending.

When I was a child I would go to visit (the later set of grandparents) at their home in Oklahoma. They had a cabin on the lake with a boat shed. It was a beautiful place and very peaceful. I would leave to go down to the lake and boatshed to get away from all the control and rules that children had to strictly follow when around them.

One of their neighbors was an older man who was very kind and gentle spirited towards me. He was also retired, and he would show me how to fish and put the worms on the hook, cast the line out and get the fish off the line. He was very kind and an easy peaceful man to be around. I felt safe and relaxed when I was with him. Everything was fine until one day, I came back from the lake and my grandmother (who was always the scarier of the two) asked me where I had been.

I told her the truth (as I always did).

You could see the color rise up on her face as I told how great my day had been and how the old man was so kind and helpful to me. (There were no other children around in this particular area to play with and my sister would have rather died than play with me at that time in our life.) Then my grandmother explained in an aggressive, accusative tone that that man was not Catholic and so I could not talk to him.

That seemed even to my innocent mind a ridiculous statement. I learned very young and being in parochial school that you could believe someone’s words, or you could believe your experience of something. I somehow always knew that you could not completely trust adults because their words did not reflect their actions or choices. Someone who did that was not to be trusted because they were out of touch with the reality. I am grateful that I knew that so young. It saved me a lot of heartache in my life though I would find myself separate from the community consensus often.

My experience of the Catholic church was lovely. I loved the ritual. I loved the repetition of the prayers. I loved the intention of kindness. But I also saw that those same pious people would behave completely contrary to their own words and beliefs at a later time. I did not know how anyone could live with that incongruence.
I marveled at what type of lie you had to hold inside and deceive yourself with to be unable to detect the distortion and perpetuate the self-deception. So, my analysis was that adults had lost touch with the divine and that their egos really made the choices and decisions based on bolstering their belief that they were better than others because of their religion or position.
When I challenged my grandmother’s assumption with my firm belief that I was safe and that he was a very kind man, again she said that he could not be a good man because he was not Catholic and that he would not be in heaven until he became a Catholic.
I again, countered with the belief that it was not the religion that determined goodness it was the actions and the hearts intent that determined goodness in heaven.
That almost made her loose her mind.
My belief angered her and challenged her rules of righteousness and self-importance. I told her that I was sure that this kind man would meet us all there in heaven.
Needing to win the argument, she said, with her deeper prejudice and judgment, “Well, see how much you don’t know. He can’t be in heaven because he is black! And no blacks will be in heaven ever, because that color is the mark of Cain.”
In that moment I realized how deeply dogmatic and blocked my grandmother was. And the depth of that hatred that lived in her frightened me in a way that nothing up to that point had frightened me.

It was clear that she believed that she was right. And an evil light shone from her eyes in self-righteous certainty. There was great power in her darkness, but you could also see that that darkness was going to eat her alive. (which it eventually did)

Stunned I did not know what to say to such a place of hate. Besides I was only 7 years old and this was my grandmother that I was supposed to respect. But I did not respect her. I did love her, but I did not like her.

She turned on her heel and walked away with a stride of justified indifference. It was again in that moment that I recognized how life could break down the core guiding light of truth and love.
Egos needed to be special and they needed to be better than.
I have never tried to be better than another. I have used the gifts and skills of others to challenge myself to be better because of watching and learning from them. But I never felt it was helpful to try to be better than another. I knew the doorway was to be simply your best self.

After all, that would be hard enough and that would be the way to grace and peace.
I am grateful that my mother being raised from such a place, never took on the beliefs of her parents.

In fact, quite the contrary. She marched with Martin Luther King, Jr. in Dallas. We had families of all colors and races to our home.

I was a child when the Vietnamese boat people came to America and many settled in Texas. And they came to our schools not speaking a word of English. They were frightened and ostracized. I tried to be kind and helpful. My first date to a movie was with a very nice Vietnamese boy.

I think within all life is the core of goodness and light. I believe that light can be dimmed, dulled, and hidden because of hurt, wounding, and trauma. But I do not believe that color, race, beliefs, or creeds have anything to do with it.

If there is a mark of Cain, I believe that mark is hate. Because hate you can feel and detect. Hate takes what is good and twists it into an unrecognizable mass that feeds on fear.

Hate is the enemy. Hate breeds other emotions such as jealousy, suffering, violence, anger, rage, and distrust. That is why questioning what you hate and fear is so important to your evolution and consciousness. That is why you must remember to look for the light and love that is at the center of every human being and of all life. That is why you must not always listen to the words of others and take them blindly as facts. You must have your own experiences to help you discern what is right.

And the rules of life are simple.
Number 1, Do no harm.
Number 2, practice kindness to all life.
Number 3, practice self-love.
Number 4, practice aloneness.
Because if you can be alone you can find the truth. If you cannot be alone, you will seek out companionship and you will be desperate enough to give up pieces of your soul to not be alone. If you are doing that, it allows you to become lost in the darkness of human suffering. But the steps are simple. The steps are doable. Those steps can help you fight the distortions and fears that this life has generated. Freedom comes at a cost. That cost is your ego. Everyone can and will find their way out of karmic suffering. We will all find our way back home. In another time and place we are all laughing about the drama we created down here on earth. Remember, the greatness that is within your soul. Remember, that spark of the divine that can and will guide you if you let it. Remember, that this is just a game to discover the importance of compassion.
~Suzanne Wagner~